Anger Insights from an Anxiety Therapist in Chicago, IL
Un-learning Difficult Emotions with An Anxiety Therapist in Chicago, IL
Growing up, I often avoided two particularly difficult emotions: anger and grief. It might sound ironic—especially since I’m an anxiety therapist in Chicago, IL. You might be wondering, Isn’t it part of your job to address these emotions? Why would you avoid them? That’s a valid question. As a Chicago anxiety therapist, I can share why I steered clear of these emotions in my own life and how it shaped my approach to therapy. You might even recognize some of these patterns in yourself. (We’ll dive deeper into grief in an upcoming blog post—stay tuned!)
In my immigrant Asian household, I learned a few life lessons that have stayed with me: always showing respect to elders and strangers by calling them “Uncle Joe” or “Aunt Karen,” hustling to survive, and understanding that reputation is everything (in Cantonese, the phrase is “mo mein” or “to lose face,” 冇面). Anger was an emotion we were taught to suppress—if we expressed it, whether verbally or otherwise, we were often shamed. As a Chicago anxiety therapist, I work with many clients who have faced similar experiences. Together, we explore how cultural values shape emotions and behaviors, uncovering their impact on mental health. I’ve seen firsthand how these deeply ingrained lessons influence self-worth, relationships, and coping strategies.
Breaking the Cycle: How a Chicago Anxiety Therapist Navigated Anger and Healing
I can recall moments where family members, unable to express their anger openly, turned to vices such as excessive drinking, substance use, isolation, shopping addictions, or hoarding—all as ways to keep those emotions buried.
I often heard adults tell me, “Good girls don’t get angry” or “Calm down, it’s not a big deal.” Over time, I internalized these messages, learning to people-please and avoid conflict at all costs. In my mind, no conflict meant no anger, and no anger meant relationships wouldn’t be ruined. We were expected to apologize immediately whenever we did something that was deemed “wrong” or “troublesome,” as if an apology could erase discomfort or conflict altogether.
Looking back, I understand that these avoidance strategies were meant to protect me. But as an anxiety therapist in Chicago, IL, I’ve learned that acknowledging and sitting with anger—not running from it—is what truly fosters emotional resilience. This shift not only transformed my relationship with myself but also helps me guide my clients in recognizing, valuing, and processing their own emotional experiences.
Past Anger Cycle: A Chicago Anxiety Therapist’s Perspective on Suppressed Emotions
This was what was taught to me growing up. As you can see that when I experienced the peak of anger, it would persist for a long time before, I mentally forced myself to calm down to keep the peace. While this strategy may have worked for safely keeping my relationships, it did nothing to help me feel more connected with others. As a Chicago anxiety therapist, I now understand how suppressing emotions can create disconnection, and I help my clients navigate these challenges to build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Present Anger Cycle: Insights from a Chicago Anxiety Therapist
I want to point out two key differences: 1) The duration of my anger has shortened significantly, and 2) by allowing myself to sit with my anger, the descent no longer feels as rushed or overwhelming. This means I can start to ground myself more naturally. Unlearning and rebuilding my relationship with anger over the years, with the support of my own therapist (shout-out to my therapist!), has been a game-changer for me as a Chicago anxiety therapist. While it’s not perfect, I’ve learned that my anger now signals when my boundaries have been crossed and, more importantly, how to communicate my needs more effectively. As an anxiety therapist in Chicago, IL, I help my clients recognize these crucial emotional signals and how to manage them without self-judgment or fear."
3 Effective Anger Management Strategies from a Chicago Anxiety Therapist
Become aware of anger in your body and mind and notice your breath. Where do you feel your anger? (i.e. hands, chest, head, etc.)
When that happens, voicing it aloud helps to acknowledge its presence. “Okay, I’m feeling really angry. I’m on the roller coaster.”
Take a moment and reflect on what your anger is trying to tell you, “What’s happening to bring you out right now?” and writing down or saying out loud, “Okay, you’re here because of XYZ.”
Take away message:
As you can see, your anger may not look like mine or experience it in the same way. That is perfectly normal! The important thing to notice is that, as you learn different strategies to help manage your anger, the time it takes to feel like yourself again gets shorter. With time, consistency, and patience, the more you notice when you are feeling angry, the quicker you can manage it so it doesn’t feel so out of control. Feel free to revisit this page as often as you need. I’m an anxiety therapist in Chicago, IL and if you are ready to take the next step in managing your emotions, click the link below!
